Free Range Family

I didn't know exactly how to title this in the beginning and honestly, I am still not satisfied with the end product. But I am just picky… :) Sorry I haven't posted the past few days!  Monday was a rough day for the kids and I, we were involved in a car accident. I have never been in an accident that was my fault but it was my fault this time, by technicality. My brake line snapped on the way to a new park we were going to check out and I slammed into the person in front of me. Everything else afterwards was a blur for me. I tried to follow the person I had hit to a parking lot, my brakes were toast and I almost hit oncoming traffic several times before making it into the parking lot. The kids screamed and screamed in the back seat, but I had to park before I could tend to them. I had to coast to a stop every time because pushing on the actual brake did nothing. I just started sobbing, everything went so fast! Then the police came, my husband showed up, after that the insura...

Okay, I feel like lately with my grandfather's passing this blog has been quite hum and drum, sorta missing its gusto. In fact, that's almost exactly how I would describe myself too. Your blog really does reflect you in many ways, doesn't it? Blah... I like to think that the main reason is because we as a family just haven't been doing too much outside of work and Alan's school, but the REAL true reason is I have just had little motivation to write. I just don't feel like it too much lately, but I know that this is when I really should be blogging the most. I remember once, like around when I first started blogging, I was told by another amazing blogging mama that even on those days that you don't feel like writing, you should push yourself to, because those are the days when you will get your best writing. I need to remember this more often on those hard days. Because honestly, Wednesday was a hard day of writing and so was yesterday. But I still push...

I have had a busy weekend and an even busier week with birthday parties, family coming into town and a funeral. Before I begin this post, I think I am finally ready to share with you who in my family we lost this past week. It was one of my grandfathers. He had been fighting illness for years and years. He is no longer in pain or hurting anymore. For this I am very glad but as for the rest of us in the family, the "survivors"... Man, I give major kudos to anyone who has ever planned a funeral (or even helped plan one) for your deceased loved one. Its a lot of work, and still being raw with emotion from the passing, can be difficult at times. I have honestly been doing good. But I have my sad points, like when I had to tell my sisters or Alan. Or when I had to make a display with all of his pictures from my childhood. Or at the funeral when all the guests were giving my family their condolences. Thinking about him back then when we were young v.s. now, hurts me a lot still. N...

I do apologize for being absent from the blog all week. On Monday, we lost someone in our family somewhat unexpectedly. I do not think I am ready to share who we lost with you all this week, but know that it was someone very close to us. It was on my side of the family but he was special to everyone, including Lon. We loved him so very much. He will be dearly missed.   I feel bad for not posting almost all week, but I really needed to take some personal family time away. In Buddhism, death is not seen as something bad, its seen as more of a doorway. Thus, I am not upset for the death itself. I know that he was hurting a lot and am glad his is at peace now. He is not gone from our lives, just onto his next great journey. :) However, I was needed to support many of my mourning family members. I was actually put in charge of telling most of my siblings, something I was not necessarily prepared for. I had to do it though, I just thought of how I would feel if I was not...

You may remember earlier last week when I mentioned my friend's passing? Kristen was very involved in the breast feeding group and believed that breast milk was best for her daughter. Her daughter was exclusively breast fed up until her mother's passing. Well, the breast feeding group that we both belonged to rallied together shortly afterwards to get breastmilk shipped to Kristen's daughter Gemma. I kid you not, the morning after Kristen's death there was only talk of donations of milk and money on our group's page. By her funeral, the first stock of breast milk was delivered and the storage space was scouted. And for good reason too. After suffering the death of her mother, sweet Miss Gemma tried formula and reacted so negatively to it. She devloped a rash even! Formula instantly was OUT OF THE QUESTION. Thankfully, it was just miraculous how many mothers stepped forward. I so wanted to, but did not have any milk to donate. So I helped with the shipping fees. ...

The new season of 19 Kids and Counting premiered recently. I'm not sure if you watch it but I do. I find their life intriguing and I surprisingly agree with alot of their morals of life. Their children are so beautiful! I think they have some of the best behaved children in this whole nation! Not to mention, they raise those 19 children  DEBT FREE! Even we have debt! Wow! :) I think Michelle is an amazing wife and mother, I wish I could be as awesome as her! She is one of my heroes! Seriously! My husband thinks they are completely insane and I am just as crazy for liking them lol. But I do. I watch their show religiously. :) Hi, my name is Jillian and I am addicted to 19 Kids and Counting... I wish I could be crazy enough to have that many kids lol... Last season, Michelle and Jim Bob lost their 20th child. Michelle was 18 weeks along and they found out it was a baby girl. They named her Jubilee Shalom and hled a funeral for her at their church. The last ...

Today would have been Rosalie's fifth birthday. This obviously isn't Rosalie, but I think of her when I see this. :) For those of you that don't know, Rosalie passed away at fifteen weeks gestation  on December 18, 2006. She was my first pregnancy and I was still in high school. Her due date was June 10, 2007 and I like to remember that day as her birthday. It is a day of memory for me. Its crazy to think that over five years has gone by since she passed on. At this point in my life, I have overcome any sadness I have over her and am just willing to celebrate her giving me the greatest gift: Motherhood. Because I believe that even though she didn't make it past fifteen weeks gestation, she was the one who made me a mother first. I grew up a lot the day I found out I was pregnant with her and have not regrets since. I do think that I am at a different place than I was with her last year. I think this has a lot to do with Anna's upcoming arrival. Anna wi...

Today would be Rosalie's fourth birthday. That is, today is the fourth year anniversary since her due date. June 10, 2007. I like to think of it as her birthday though. It has actually helped me with my coping process, thinking of today as a day to remember her positively instead of remembering this as a day that did not come for her. I have made piece with her passing, and some day our souls will meet again. My family has a very interesting theory about the afterlife that we like to believe. We believe that our soul becomes a energy force that can choose to embody any and all things. Its kind of like rebirth and reincarnation, only we believe that a soul can embody many different things at one time. We like to think of Rosalie as a free spirit now, able to go wherever she pleases. She will always have a place in our hearts though, I feel like she is always with me. I hope that wherever she is, she is at peace and she is happy. And wherever she is, she has a happy birthda...

Today marks the four year anniversary of my miscarriage. I was about 15 weeks along and the doctors knew it was a girl. We had named her Rosalie June. <3 Everyday I think about her, and what it would be like if she were here. She would be around three and a half years old now. Wow that's incredible to think! *Sigh* Since its been four years and I've made my peace with her passing, I'm trying not to dwell on it too much on my blog today. I still ask everyone to light a candle and say a prayer (in whatever religion you follow) for my daughter. I believe her soul exists still out there, and she is happy to see how far I have come. I love her so very much and know that she will always be a part of my life. <3 Rest in Peace Rosalie June Kimmel December 18, 2006