Sunday, December 26, 2010

We got our White Christmas!

Christmas was wonderful. I would have posted last night, but after everything we had done yesterday, I got home and laid down and passed out lol. At least I got farther than Alan, he fell asleep on the ride home from Great Aunt Carolyn's house! :P We were so busy all day and it exhausted us! :) But there was snow on the ground and we had a blessed day with our families, I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas!

We woke up just in time to watch the Disney Christmas Parade on tv. Alan really had fun dancing and singing and clapping with all of his favorite Disney characters and he always would get excited whenever he saw Mickey Mouse lol. :) We opened our Christmas presents from each other, and I was pleased to see that Lon did not get me a Shake Weight lol. I do not like those, and wasn't happy when he told me that he "might have bought" one for me. Jerk! :D He instead got me a Yoda alarm clock and a Fushigui ball. He also enjoyed all the toys Alan and I had gotten for him. Then we helped Alan unwrap his, which he had a blast doing. He would grab a bit and run away from us and the present, ripping a big piece of as he ran. :)

After unwrapping our gifts, having breakfast and playing with his new toys a little, we went over to Grandma Amber's for Christmas lunch. Everyone was there again, and we ate lunch then opened presents. Alan got a stuffed Broby from Yo Gabba Gabba, a sock monkey, a Duplo garbage truck toy, and Toy Story Buzz lightyear Potato Head Man from Grandma Amber and Grandpa Steve. Great Grandma Audrey and Great Grandpa Stan got him a Matchbox garage playset. Alan's uncles and aunt chipped in and got him a few books and a stuffed dinosaur. His favorite was the sock monkey, he ran around everywhere carrying that thing lol. :) We got our family photo together (Alan wasn't looking at the camera though lol) after like a hundred tries. And then it was time to head up to Great Aunt Carolyn's for their traditional Christmas dinner.

As soon as we got to Great Aunt Carolyn's house, Alan started chasing their little shitsu puppy around. He scared her so bad lol! We couldn't wait to see Alan's second cousin, Sophie, as she was six months old and we hadn't seen her in around five months. But their family was running late, so we went downstairs to play with Alan's other cousins Peyton and Avery, as well as Aunt April and Uncle Kalvin. They were playing the Wii on the big flat screen tv, and Alan absolutely loved to just sit there and watch them play. He would remark and point every now and then, but otherwise was just in awe of the huge entertainment lol. :) We then all had dinner (prime rib steak, mmmmm!) and Alan at almost all of his food! He didn't like the steak too much (it was too chewy for him lol) but he ate a couple bites of it, and chowed the rest of his plate. By that point, Baby Sophie and Mama Ashley were there. We went upstairs to play with them but got caught up with present time.

Alan got a few cute 24 month outfits from his Great Aunt Kim + Great Uncle Corey and his Great Grandma Carol + Great Grandpa Floyd, and then he got a cool helicopter toy as a Secret Santa gift from one of his cousins. We opened the helicopter gift and offered to have Sophie come over and play. They were so cute together! Alan had balls that went inside the helicopter and everytime I'd try to give Sophie one, he'd grab them from me lol. At least he was letting her play with the helicopter. Every so often though, he'd forget and try to pull it away from her. But then he'd quickly remind himself by saying quietly, "Oh baby..." Lol! He is so smart! :D

We all had a great time at both places and I got some wonderful shots on my fancy disposable camera lol. :) I won't be able to post any of them, but you can check out my FB page and see some cute photos! Hope everyone else had a Merry Christmas, and to all my Canadian friends, Happy Boxing Day! :D Peace everyone.

Friday, December 24, 2010

The Night Before Christmas...

And all through the Village Inn, there was a ton of commotion because the Andersen family was having there traditional Christmas Eve dinner! Lol, I tried to make it sound like the book... Keyword being Tried. :P

Merry Christmas Eve everyone! :D  Now I know it seems odd that I celebrate Christmas, being a Buddhist and my husband having his own scientific theories of creation lol. But let me clarify, my family only celebrates Christmas for the family get together and Santa Claus apsets. Afterall the rest of my family are Christian and Lutheran, and get together every Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Why wouldn't we participate in that??? :) We respect all religions and thus we celebrate Christmas and Easter in the more story, more commercial aspect. My son loves celebrating things and seeing his family, so we want to give him what we had as children.

As you can guess, we went to the Village Inn for dinner tonight. As tradition with my family, we spend Christmas Eve with the Andersen family and Christmas Day with the Kimmel family. We visit the opposite family on each day too, but only for an hour or so. So tonight for dinner, we went with the traditional pizza lol. :P Let me clarify, traditional for the Andersens not traditional for most people. Grandma Amber and Grandpa Steve were there, as well as Aunt Ariel, Uncle Chase, Uncle Cameron, Uncle Aaron and Aunt Nikki. Alan loved having the whole restaurant to run around in, and he loved listening to the echoes he could make (which resulted in him yelling really loud lol). Aunt Ariel chased him around while the men of the family made the pizzas.

Pizza wise we had taco pizza, half pepperoni half pepperoni mushroom pizza, hawaiin pizza, sausage mushroom pizza and a small cheese pizza. We had to cut his into little pieces, but Alan loved his cheese and hawaiin pizzas! We all had a great time talking with each other and enjoying beer and pizza. :)

We stopped by my parent's for a bit afterward. There was alot of people over there and it was late which meant Alan was tired, so we only stayed for a half an hour. Alan had a good time opening his Christmas gifts from his realatives and loved it when Grandma Melanie allowed him to open his big present from them- a Weeble Wobble Treehouse! He demanded it be opened immeadiately and played with Uncle Kalvin for the rest of the time we were there! The whole Christmas Eve was a wonderful night for everyone, and Alan was exhausted at the end of all our activities! Yes! And because I'm awesome I have already wrapped all our gifts! So merry Christmas and to all a goodnight! Yeah! :D

Saturday, December 18, 2010

My sweet, beautiful Rosalie June...

Today marks the four year anniversary of my miscarriage. I was about 15 weeks along and the doctors knew it was a girl. We had named her Rosalie June. <3 Everyday I think about her, and what it would be like if she were here. She would be around three and a half years old now. Wow that's incredible to think! *Sigh*

Since its been four years and I've made my peace with her passing, I'm trying not to dwell on it too much on my blog today. I still ask everyone to light a candle and say a prayer (in whatever religion you follow) for my daughter. I believe her soul exists still out there, and she is happy to see how far I have come. I love her so very much and know that she will always be a part of my life. <3

Rest in Peace Rosalie June Kimmel
December 18, 2006

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Something that eats away at you, something to fight...

One year ago today, I was diagnosed with Postpartum Anxiety Disorder and mild Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It was my mother-in-law who was the one that convinced me to get help and better myself. I had never really dealt with a mental disorder before (except for mild Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from an abusive relationship in highschool) and thus was in the dark about seeking help. I was scared to tell my parents and my doctor, because of fear of the unknown. My family hasn't seen a lot of mental disorders in our life, so I didn't feel like they would know how to deal with it. I was having a hard time dealing with it myself. But there was no denying it.

(For those of you that don't know)
Postpartum Anxiety Disorder- A disorder characterized by constant, uncontrollable, moderate to severe anxiety and depression in a woman after she has given birth. Can happen soon after delivery or up to a year after. Similar to Postpartum Depression except that the woman experiences more anxiety and compulsions.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder- A disorder characterized by obsessive thoughts and cumpulsive actions, such as cleaning, checking, counting, hoarding, or repeating. The OCD individual often will feel the extreme need to obey repeatitive thoughts or behaviors that are often distressing but completely unavoidable.
(these were my therapist's difinitions)

I had some very obvious compulsions. I always needed all the doors in my house closed and always needed to have my head covered up in order to sleep. I would repeat words over and over in my head while I was working or doing something, sometimes the words would even be made up. All of my media products (books, DVDs, CDs, etc.) were always perfectly stacked and all sequels (or similar styles) had to be in the same area, or else I would take the time to reorganize the whole thing. I felt the need to show progress in certain hygienic things (clipping nails, removing dead skin, plucking eyebrows) and would often overdue it without realizing just because I craved the little pile. I counted stairs in my head as I went up them. If I was typing or writing and I mistyped/miswrote, I would have to correct it completely and recheck everything before continuing. And the whole time all always felt a sense of impending doom to myself and my family. The. Whole. Time. Especially if I didn't listen to my compulsions and obey them.

I began to start fights with Lon and isolate myself from my family and friends. Somedays, if I couldn't handle it, I would curl up into a ball and sob. I had horrible panic attacks too. I was always stressed out and always depressed feeling. Being a SAHM, it wasn't like I had anything to prepare for each day so most days I wouldn't even get dressed. Lon and his mother finally convinced me to tell my OBGYN at my six week appointment and she immeadiately set me up with a Medication Therapist named Dianne. Dianne analyzed me and decided to prescribe me 50 mg of Zoloft. She also scheduled me with a therapist at Riverstone Health named Grace.

I went to therapy with Grace for almost six months, and we worked on a lot of things. After about the first six weeks, we upped my prescription to 100 mg because the original didn't seem like enough. But I didn't like the way it made me feel, so I vowed to get off the prescription as soon as possible. And Grace helped me rediscover myself and my clarity. Before Alan, I used to meditate every other day at least. After him with my PPAD and OCD, I never meditated or even looked at my Buddhist books. I claimed it was just because of Alan being a baby still (he was around three months old then) but knew that it was not the truth. It was my PPAD. With therapy, Grace forced me to question myself why I had given up my religion, in a sense.

I started meditating and I started reading the Dhammapadda and the Tao Te Ching again, and found myself in the darkness. I was able to go off  Zoloft completely, and now I am a free person again! Of course I still stress, I mean that's life. But I feel like a completely different person, a completely free soul! I haven't gotten to that low point since and I don't plan on going there again anytime soon. Now everytime I feel lost or overly stressed, I meditate or look to my Buddhist writings. It is amazing to me how far I have come and in only a year! What a beautiful thing!