Today would have been Rosalie's fifth birthday.
|This obviously isn't Rosalie, but I think of her when I see this. :)|
For those of you that don't know, Rosalie passed away at fifteen weeks gestation on December 18, 2006. She was my first pregnancy and I was still in high school. Her due date was June 10, 2007 and I like to remember that day as her birthday. It is a day of memory for me.
Its crazy to think that over five years has gone by since she passed on. At this point in my life, I have overcome any sadness I have over her and am just willing to celebrate her giving me the greatest gift: Motherhood. Because I believe that even though she didn't make it past fifteen weeks gestation, she was the one who made me a mother first. I grew up a lot the day I found out I was pregnant with her and have not regrets since.
I do think that I am at a different place than I was with her last year. I think this has a lot to do with Anna's upcoming arrival. Anna will be my second daughter and yet I will be experiencing all new things with her like she is my first. I will get to do a lot of things with her that I never did with Rosalie. I will get to breastfeed her, change her diapers, dress her in ridiculous girly outfits, and take her all around to show her off. This makes me a little sad, but I know that Rosalie is looking down upon this family always and giving her little sister every healthy blessing she can. Thinking like this comforts me.
Today is not just her birthday, it is also my 35th week of my pregnancy. I am five weeks away from bringing beautiful Anna into this world. So though it is an emotional day, it is also a good one.
This afternoon, Alan and I made cupcakes. They are chocolate cupcakes with vanilla frosting and sprinkles. Alan helped me mix the batter, frost the cupcakes and sprinkle the sprinkles on top. I got a little number five candle and held my own little happy birthday party with him, singing her happy birthday and then having a cupcake in her honor. I also got five pink balloons to release into the sky. Alan and I did it one at a time, counting up to five. Unlike the years before, this was a happy moment for me. I loved watching Alan let the balloons go while counting, then squealing and jumping at the balloons as they floated up towards the sky. The weather was crazy windy, so the balloons were instantly sucked into the sky and taken upon a wild dancing ride. It was so beautiful but unfortunately for me not very photogenic lol. I took several pictures but none of them turned out very good. So this is just left for my memory.
And what a beautiful memory it was. :)
Happy fifth birthday Rosalie June. I love you so much and will always miss you. Hope you are enjoying your day today, wherever you are. Warm your soul in the sunshine and dance along a rainbow. Enjoy this beautiful Earth, you beautiful girl. :)